Monday, April 12, 2010

Not the Best Day

So I haven't blogged in a while and I apologize for that. I haven't done anything in regards to my "big dream" that I last posted about. It's still something I think about, but I did some research and I still don't know how to go about even getting started on writing a non-fiction book so I've got to do more research! And also figure out how to get an agent. I think that this one may have to go on the back burner for a while. I've been more inspired to write my latest fiction story lately so it has taken up a lot of my free time. Not that I'm complaining b/c I love my new story and I've been quite excited about where it's taken me. I'm not even sure yet how it's going to end...the characters haven't told me yet. ;-) I feel like i'm just telling their story.

Anyway, today was a bad day b/c the job offer I had gotten was retracted. On the day I finally found someone to watch Adeline. I thought it had been perfect timing, actually, but apparently i took too long. Or they just decided that they didn't want a single mom. Apparently, someone with a child isn't dependable enough to take this job. At least that's what I was told. After I stopped crying, I got pretty pissed about it. How you gonna tell someone they have a job then take it back? I was really excited about it, I wanted to delve into the history, help recreate their newsletter (b/c it really needs help), I had ideas for what they could do that I was going to share once I was settled. But I guess all that was not meant to be. I am still planning to take Adeline to the daycare/church group place that I found today. We couldn't get her in sooner b/c they were closed last week for the holiday. They are closed for school holidays so they were closed all week. That's why it took me a while to find childcare - a lot of places were closed. That's what is so frustrating - they told me I could have some time to find childcare, then basically took it back. I honestly feel like I am never going to find a job. Why is it so hard to find something? Because I have bad credit? Because I'm a single mom? Because I had a lot of absences when I was depressed & sick all the time? It must be that last one, I don't know. I don't understand why I can't get a chance. I'm trying really hard to better myself but it seems like I'm too big of a risk for anyone to want to hire me. That college degree I have has done nothing except collect dust. I am so frustrated!
I guess what I need to do is just keep looking for a job and keep writing, since that is my passion anyway. Maybe I can get a book deal & not have to find a real world job. Ha! Yeah, I know. Probably not gonna happen. And I've got to finish something that is publishable first, then find an agent to get said book deal, then make enough on that book deal to not have to work at anything except writing. Yeah. Dream on, Amy!
Sorry to be a downer, guys. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day & I will soon find something! The daycare I'm taking Adeline to is really only for 3 hours so she will still be w/ me most of the day but will also have time away from me. I'm hoping that she won't be so attached -- we have been together 24/7 for a long time and I'm not sure that's good for either of us. I need me time and she needs to be around other kids. That's why even though I don't have the job I'm still going to take her down there. I hope it all goes well! Thanks for listening, everyone. Hope the next blog is happier! xo