Friday, March 5, 2010

Ho hum

Today I'm not feeling nearly as confident and happy as I was yesterday. I guess I just didn't get off to a good start this morning. One of those mornings where everything went wrong, you know? But I don't want my blog to get off to a negative start. I'm just thinking a lot this morning about my life and its lack of direction. Since I left AT&T I've been unemployed and it is really starting to get to me. At the time, I felt empowered, certain I made the right decision. True, I was miserable at that job and felt like I never saw Adeline, never had time to write and didn't know what the hell I was doing at the job, even with 8 weeks of training. But it's been three months and I still haven't found anything. I'm hoping that the move to Wadesboro will be the new start I needed, a complete new start and that I will find the perfect job for me. I keep looking and I wish I didn't lose hope so easily. I hate that about myself. Again, maybe this is just one of those days and I will get my confidence back.
What I really want to do is write. Which is why I started this blog. I know I'm not going to get paid for it and probably millions of people have blogs but I wanted an outlet for those who haven't been reading my writing to hear my voice. Maybe to kinda get the word out there about this cool writer. I have big dreams and some day, maybe if I can build up my confidence again, get my work to the right people, it will happen. The dream is to be able to write from home so that Adeline can continue to stay at home with me. I don't know how to find a legitimate place to work from home, however. And freelance writers don't exactly make enough to live on without another job. But I will keep looking and keep trying.
My life hasn't turned out anything like I thought it would and I guess that's a good thing because if it was predictable, what would be the fun in that? Hopefully something surprises me soon -- and it's a good surprise. I'm going to go see if I can do something, write something and my next entry will hopefully be happier and more positive! Thanks to my readers. :-) xoxo

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