Thursday, December 16, 2010

Long time no blog

I've been thinking about blogging for a while now & I see that I haven't since April (!!) I know I've had things to say but just haven't gotten around to actually posting a blog. Guess I use Twitter & Facebook for those purposes or my own personal journal. I am writing again although not my "big dream" project that I blogged about. I've gone back to writing a third draft of the story I started in Dec 2008 so it's definitely a work in progress. I think/hope third time is the charm and this time I finally have something publishable. I've been trying to write every day but haven't the past 2 days. Gotta get back at it! I always feel better when I've written something. I feel like I'm working toward my dream on those days. I'm determined to finish a publishable draft in early 2011. Finishing a story in itself would be a victory since I have several unfinished projects. I will try to keep this blog updated although most of you already follow me on Twitter and/or Facebook. ;)

In an unrelated note, I'm now in the best shape of my life and although I'd rather not post my weight, let's just say I haven't weighed this number since before my children were born! I've been exercising 4-6 times a week and it feels great! I don't get sick as often as I used to, which always caused problems with the jobs I had. Now that I've learned my lessons in that regard, I can't find a job! Maybe soon. I keep praying. What will be will be.

Anyway, I guess that's it for now. Just wanted to post a quick blog. Will try to update again soon! Happy Holidays y'all! :)

Monday, April 12, 2010

Not the Best Day

So I haven't blogged in a while and I apologize for that. I haven't done anything in regards to my "big dream" that I last posted about. It's still something I think about, but I did some research and I still don't know how to go about even getting started on writing a non-fiction book so I've got to do more research! And also figure out how to get an agent. I think that this one may have to go on the back burner for a while. I've been more inspired to write my latest fiction story lately so it has taken up a lot of my free time. Not that I'm complaining b/c I love my new story and I've been quite excited about where it's taken me. I'm not even sure yet how it's going to end...the characters haven't told me yet. ;-) I feel like i'm just telling their story.

Anyway, today was a bad day b/c the job offer I had gotten was retracted. On the day I finally found someone to watch Adeline. I thought it had been perfect timing, actually, but apparently i took too long. Or they just decided that they didn't want a single mom. Apparently, someone with a child isn't dependable enough to take this job. At least that's what I was told. After I stopped crying, I got pretty pissed about it. How you gonna tell someone they have a job then take it back? I was really excited about it, I wanted to delve into the history, help recreate their newsletter (b/c it really needs help), I had ideas for what they could do that I was going to share once I was settled. But I guess all that was not meant to be. I am still planning to take Adeline to the daycare/church group place that I found today. We couldn't get her in sooner b/c they were closed last week for the holiday. They are closed for school holidays so they were closed all week. That's why it took me a while to find childcare - a lot of places were closed. That's what is so frustrating - they told me I could have some time to find childcare, then basically took it back. I honestly feel like I am never going to find a job. Why is it so hard to find something? Because I have bad credit? Because I'm a single mom? Because I had a lot of absences when I was depressed & sick all the time? It must be that last one, I don't know. I don't understand why I can't get a chance. I'm trying really hard to better myself but it seems like I'm too big of a risk for anyone to want to hire me. That college degree I have has done nothing except collect dust. I am so frustrated!
I guess what I need to do is just keep looking for a job and keep writing, since that is my passion anyway. Maybe I can get a book deal & not have to find a real world job. Ha! Yeah, I know. Probably not gonna happen. And I've got to finish something that is publishable first, then find an agent to get said book deal, then make enough on that book deal to not have to work at anything except writing. Yeah. Dream on, Amy!
Sorry to be a downer, guys. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day & I will soon find something! The daycare I'm taking Adeline to is really only for 3 hours so she will still be w/ me most of the day but will also have time away from me. I'm hoping that she won't be so attached -- we have been together 24/7 for a long time and I'm not sure that's good for either of us. I need me time and she needs to be around other kids. That's why even though I don't have the job I'm still going to take her down there. I hope it all goes well! Thanks for listening, everyone. Hope the next blog is happier! xo

Saturday, March 13, 2010

A Big Dream

I've been thinking for a while about doing something kinda crazy...the idea has been bouncing around in my head for a while now. Then I dreamed that it was actually happening a while back and it kind of made me wonder if it was possible. It's probably not. Even if it could happen, by some miracle, it would probably take years...But I feel like I keep getting signs to follow my heart and listen to my heart and keep dreaming, etc. It's made me wonder if I should try to somehow make this dream come true. See, I had this idea about writing a book - nonfiction this time, which is highly unusual for me. All of my ideas are usually fiction and usually have a supernatural or thriller-type edge to them. This is completely different. Here's where the idea gets crazy. What I want to do is write a book about the New Kids reunion and have two perspectives: a fan who came back into it only at the reunion (ie, Me) and the point of view of one of the guys themselves. In my dream world, it's of course my favorite, Joe. The reason that I would love for it to be him, not only because he is my favorite but because I love his writing voice when he writes blogs and the essay-type thing he wrote about his summer vacation...that was when I started to have inklings about this idea. I know that it's probably impossible and of course I have no way to talk to him and say wouldn't this be cool? What do you think? I'm not even sure how to go about making it happen ... do I need to get an agent first? Write a spec query letter? I have no idea! But I keep feeling like I should try to make it happen. People will probably say no every step of the way. The question is do I believe in it enough to keep trying? And I think the answer is yes. I think that the fans and maybe some of the public at large would love to read such a book. Think of it: the reunion from the point of view of an avid fan, someone who's loved the group for 22 years and the pov of one of the guys'd be so awesome!! At least I think it would. I know we have the DVD and the Vh1 special....but as a writer I want to write about it. I want the fans' voices to be heard as well. Maybe I could write it from just my pov anyway and have it published like that? But my biggest dream is to have both pov's. I honestly don't know if I could make this happen but I would love to find out if it's possible. What do y'all think?

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

RIP Corey Haim

So it's been a very sad day so far. It really sucked to wake up to the news that Corey Haim had passed away. The news made me incredibly sad. I had always hoped he would get his life straightened out and I hope that at least now he is at peace. My friends and I were big into Corey Haim when we were about 11 or 12, pre-NKOTB. I think we can still recite dialouge from The Lost Boys, which everyone knows is a classic. We liked his other films, too, but The Lost Boys was definitely a favorite. It changed our worlds at that age. hee hee...So many great lines..."What did you do to my dog, you asshole?!" "What are you then, the flying nun?!" "I still love you, Lucy. *hiss!* I haven't changed my mind about that!" I still use that one in tweets quite a bit. ;) But I digress. I am deeply saddened by his death. It seems as if many figures from my childhood/adolescence have passed away in recent years and I'm really not digging it. I know that death is just another part of life and we all gotta go through it. But I'm just not ready. I lost my last grandparent in December and I guess I'm just feeling like we keep losing people. I'm dealing with it, yes, but it just sucks. I truly hope all the ones we've lost: my grandparents, Farrah, Michael Jackson, John Hughes, and Corey are resting in peace. I hope that they've all found happiness on the other side. I know for certain that there is something after this life and I just hope that it's not hell for any of these people. And just remember to always take the time to tell the ones you love that you love them because you never know when they (or you, God forbid) could be gone. I love you all! I really do :-) Thanks for reading my ramblings. xoxo

Monday, March 8, 2010

A Spring Day :-)

Yes I realize it's not technically spring yet but it finally feels like it is! I couldn't be happier. Enjoying it on my back porch/deck as I type this. I am grateful to have an outdoor area where we can sit and enjoy this weather. We may take a walk later. And by "we" I of course mean myself and Adeline, the 3-year-old light of my life. The kid can certainly drive me crazy but I love her to death. I love that she doesn't want to sit in the outdoor chair I bought for her but is trying to sit in the beach chairs. Well, what are ya gonna do? Anyhoo....I am feeling much more positive than my last post. I apologize for that. I was in a down mood and probably shouldn't have blogged then. Oh well. It's done.

Last night I dreamed that I was in the hospital giving birth to another baby. Could be horrifying but I think I actually want another child someday. Maybe. Anyway, it was a nice dream because it was a baby boy and I would love to have another boy. And I was happy. This one had a father and we were very happy together. I guess that is the dream: to find someone you can be happy with. I don't think I was married to him but we were happy. And the baby was beautiful. :-) I looked up dream meanings and to dream you're giving birth basically means you're about to have a new idea, or you've had a new idea that you're excited about, which makes perfect sense. i certainly don't think it was a premonition. I've had several ideas lately, for new books and such. The one new book I started recently I have been very excited about. I need to find a way to write every day. I know my fans/friends aren't that happy about the new book but I am. I wish I was writing in the infamous witches book but I've hit a stumbling block and don't remember where the story was going. I'm sure I'll figure it out. No way am I giving up on that story! So don't worry, Angi!

I still haven't found part 1 of the witches book, which I had planned to blog about so that will have to wait for now. Anyways, I am off to see if I can write something new! Hope you all have a wonderful day & it's this beautiful outside where you are! :-) xoxo

Friday, March 5, 2010

Ho hum

Today I'm not feeling nearly as confident and happy as I was yesterday. I guess I just didn't get off to a good start this morning. One of those mornings where everything went wrong, you know? But I don't want my blog to get off to a negative start. I'm just thinking a lot this morning about my life and its lack of direction. Since I left AT&T I've been unemployed and it is really starting to get to me. At the time, I felt empowered, certain I made the right decision. True, I was miserable at that job and felt like I never saw Adeline, never had time to write and didn't know what the hell I was doing at the job, even with 8 weeks of training. But it's been three months and I still haven't found anything. I'm hoping that the move to Wadesboro will be the new start I needed, a complete new start and that I will find the perfect job for me. I keep looking and I wish I didn't lose hope so easily. I hate that about myself. Again, maybe this is just one of those days and I will get my confidence back.
What I really want to do is write. Which is why I started this blog. I know I'm not going to get paid for it and probably millions of people have blogs but I wanted an outlet for those who haven't been reading my writing to hear my voice. Maybe to kinda get the word out there about this cool writer. I have big dreams and some day, maybe if I can build up my confidence again, get my work to the right people, it will happen. The dream is to be able to write from home so that Adeline can continue to stay at home with me. I don't know how to find a legitimate place to work from home, however. And freelance writers don't exactly make enough to live on without another job. But I will keep looking and keep trying.
My life hasn't turned out anything like I thought it would and I guess that's a good thing because if it was predictable, what would be the fun in that? Hopefully something surprises me soon -- and it's a good surprise. I'm going to go see if I can do something, write something and my next entry will hopefully be happier and more positive! Thanks to my readers. :-) xoxo

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Wow, what an opening!

I've thought of starting a blog for a while now and finally just said to hell with it! I'm hoping that people want to read it and will be interested in my thoughts. If not, it could just be my personal online journal. Although I already have a handwritten journal for the really personal stuff...but anyway! I thought I could write about my writing, what it's like to be a single mom and right now an unemployed single mom but I'm hoping that changes soon! Or really, whatever is on my mind that needs expressing. I could also talk about my love for a certain awesome "boy band" (I really don't like that term...I know that's what they are but I just don't care for it! Maybe it's the negative connotation) ... I'm rambling already! I plan on sharing whatever is on my mind and hope that people will be interested.
If anyone is reading this who doesn't know me that well, I became a writer at age 14, inspired by the 5 Bad Brothers from Beantown themselves, New Kids on the Block, and my writing idol, Dean Koontz. There were no books around like what I wanted to read so I wrote my own. At that time it was just for my amusement and the enjoyment of my two best friends: my twin sis Abby and lifelong bud Angi. My first book became a monster, a series of books that spanned my high school and college years. I like to call it the first (and best) fan fiction. ;-) That means that yes, the main characters were the New Kids themselves, but although they kept their real names for my books, I gave them different lives, based on what I thought their personalities were like. I'm not sure if the characters are close to the real guys, but I like to think so. I like to think I have strong intuition about things. But anyway, my friends and I were the main female characters and I changed details about our lives as well. The story was set near my hometown in southeastern North Carolina in the summer of 1990, the magic summer, if you will. Wow, 20 years ago!!
Basically, Donnie and Joe were stepbrothers with fictional parents. Donnie's mom married Joe's dad (I realize that is kinda f*cked up but they were different people in my book!) and that's why they had different last names, but they were my two favorites back then and I really wanted them to be brothers in my story. It made an interesting dynamic. Their family moved from NYC to this small NC town. Their neighbors "across the road" were the Knight brothers and Danny lived a mile or two down the road. The gang, as they will come to be known, soon learns that there is a cult of sorts in their town that has been killing people for years. Jordan was the only one who knew about it and he told the others. They call this cult "The Witches" because I was young and didn't know what else to call them. ;-) I was going to write all the details of what happened but I think I will save that for the next blog if anyone is interested to hear what happens. I had thought I may blog the story as I remember it, since I have lost the handwritten pages for Part 1 of the Witches saga. In a nutshell, the story is all about how the gang and the witches try to destroy one another. Lots of bad ass-ness ensues. And because my BFFs are my biggest fans, the story went on for years. In 2009, I started the reunion chapters of the story, inspired of course by the reunion of the New Kids. It was only fitting that I should start writing those books again. And honestly, the book that I recently finished is my best work ever. Those New Kids sure do inspire me, especially Joe for some reason. I would love to hear any thoughts/feedback on this! And I look forward to blogging more - this is kinda fun! :-) Let's Get This!!! hee hee ...